Sorry, Mom and Dad, but your words of praise just don’t mean as much anymore as the child’s peers’ words do. As a child gets older, he begins to understand that the parent pretty much has to say nice things (you’re biased!) and that what you say doesn’t always match the way the rest of the world sees it.

Once the crisis is resolved, we move to the third stage, which I refer to as the bullyproofing preservation phase.

Dealing with gossip and rumors can be maddening because kids want so badly to set the record straight and defend themselves against the allegations. But mostly, protesting backfires and keeps the gossip alive.

When someone hurts your feelings by bullying, sensitive kids expect the bully to be sensitive. When they’re not, often the sensitive kid wants to tell the bully how she feels, particularly when they’re young and the bullying is verbal.