Dr. Joel Haber

Bullying Speaker, Counselor & Authority

Preventing Youth and Workplace Bullying

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Reducing the Risk That Your Child Will be a Bully

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There are a number of things that you can do, as a parent, that reduce the risk that your child will do bullying. The number one thing is to think about your role modeling as a parent.

Kids learn more from what we do, rather than what we say. You have to think — and this is a hard one for parents. Do you, as a parent, do gossiping? Do you spread rumors?

Do you talk badly about friends of yours that your kids may see, especially behind their back? Do you exclude people that your kids observe?

Those behaviors are things that kids will test out in their own relationships. It is hard for parents to think about it that way because they may not think that we do it. But we all do it, we are human. If we do it, it’s okay, but if you do it in front of your kids, let them know, “I made a mistake. I shouldn’t have done that.

That was mean.” Own it. Be a parent that owns their mistakes, and your kids will be able to do the same. The second thing is, you want to look at your parenting style as a couple, when you are looking at behavior issues with your kids. Do I have a style that is authoritarian? Is it my way or the highway?

That kind of style adds to more bullying because children learn that aggression wins and my way is the only way to win. The better way the more authoritative parenting, which is where we give them a more balanced parenting. You do conflict resolution and teach them that it is better to work things out together.

That’s much better.

Dr. Haber is available for speaking engagements and consultations to help your combat your school or workplace bullying issues.

Contact Dr. Haber

Dr. Joel Haber

Gossip is Bullying

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So I learned about gossip bullying first hand recently while I was preparing for a talk on bullying about relational bullying, about girl bullying, mean girl stuff.

Gossip BullyingI was sitting in a coffee shop, I was working with a colleague and my colleague left and a woman was sitting next to me who must have heard what I was talking about and she said “I heard you talking about gossiping and relational bullying. My daughter who is young – a teenager – is having this major problem. So she said she’s getting in trouble because of gossiping, her friends are leaving her out.

So I went through, I spent like 30 minutes with her talking about bullying and why gossiping occurs and what it’s all about and then her friends came in and she said to me “thank you very much.” I said “It was great, I hope you got a lot out of it.” She did, she went over to her friends – and I felt pretty good about myself – but when she went over to her friends all of a sudden she started gossiping about a neighbor of hers and getting really mean and nasty and I thought to myself “Woah. I just spent 30 minutes sharing all this research and all this stuff about what bullying is about, she didn’t get an ounce of it because the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” She was teaching her daughter – by her own behavior – how to gossip.

So that’s where it was coming from so I – as a bystander, as an expert I’m thinking what do I do? And I thought “I can’t let it go because if I let it go then I’m doing nothing and I don’t train that. I have to be an up stander and do something.” She asked me to help her, so I thought I could do this in 2 ways. I could go up to her and humiliate her in front of her friends, which would be awful or I can tap her quietly and have her come over and share it. And that’s what I decided to do, so I tapped her on the shoulder, she turned around and said “Yeah?” I said “Can I just talk to you for one more minute?” And at first she was a little bit uncomfortable but she came over to me and I said “I hope you enjoyed our talk and you learned a lot.” She said “I did.” Well there was one thing I just noticed if you don’t mind me sharing. She said “What’s that?” I said “I don’t know if you realize, but when we talked about the gossiping problem you daughter had, maybe she mad some of that influence from you because when your friends came in you started gossiping about a neighbor. And all of a sudden she got really red in the face and she said “Okay, thank you!” And she ran back to her friends and started gossiping about me but here’s the point.

What do we do in those situations?

Do we stand back and do nothing? Or in that situation it was totally appropriate to let her know because she had asked me for advice.

What she did with that I’ll never know, but the point is it’s so easy to be role modeling things and never even see what we do. And that’s where kids learn the most, from what we do and not from what we say.

Dr. Haber is available for speaking engagements and consultations to help your combat your school or workplace bullying issues.

Contact Dr. Haber

Dr. Joel Haber

Hollister & Brent Rivera Team Up to Eliminate Bullying

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I was privileged to assist in this effort through the development of a the educational video along with a peer-to-peer curriculum. This will be distributed to more than 20,000 schools across the United States and the United Kingdom, providing students with tools they need to prevent and overcome bullying. The program is designed to promote inclusivity and respect, and teaches students to take a stand against bullying and cyberbullying in their schools. The materials are also available on Hollister’s YouTube channel.

When our generation stands against bullying together, we make a difference. Social media personality, Brent Rivera, is helping us bring awareness to bullying. Will you?

Hollister Teams up with Dr. Joel Haber

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HOLLISTER CO. ANNOUNCES 2016 ANTI-BULLYING CAMPAIGN IN PARTNERSHIP WITH SOCIAL MEDIA INFLUENCER, BRENT RIVERA

BRAND LAUNCHES PROGRAM IN SUPPORT OF NATIONAL BULLYING PREVENTION MONTH

New Albany, OH, September 29, 2016— Hollister Co., a division of Abercrombie & Fitch Co. (NYSE: ANF) today revealed its 2016 anti-bullying campaign, All Equal. Now in its fourth year, this campaign and educational program aim to raise anti-bullying awareness globally and provide resources for those in need. Since launching the initiative in 2013, the company has donated more than $1,000,000 to supporting philanthropic efforts, reached over 1,750,000 students, and awarded scholarships to 30 deserving students who have overcome bullying in their own lives.

Brent Rivera, a social media personality, teamed up with Hollister to produce and star in this year’s educational video. At 18 years old, Brent has experienced bullying in school, as well as cyberbullying on social media, and wants to help bring awareness to the important issue. Using relatable situations teens likely experience, Brent uses his energetic and engaging video scenarios to show examples of how teens today can help prevent bullying. The video also incorporates Top 40 song, “Mama Said,” by Lukas Graham, which recounts the singer’s upbringing and how positive and encouraging messages helped him through tough times.

“This partnership and campaign mean a lot to me. ALL EQUAL helps create much needed awareness for the issue of bullying and I was honored to not only help support this initiative, but to have direct input in the type of content that is sent out to schools,” said Brent Rivera. “I think the video will resonate with middle and high school students and I hope that more teens will start to stand up for what is right and help end bullying.”

The educational video along with a peer-to-peer curriculum, developed by renowned anti-bullying expert and clinical psychologist, Dr. Joel Haber, will be distributed to more than 20,000 schools across the United States and the United Kingdom, providing students with tools they need to prevent and overcome bullying. The program is designed to promote inclusivity and respect, and teaches students to take a stand against bullying and cyberbullying in their schools. The materials are also available on Hollister’s YouTube channel.

Additionally, Hollister has designed a line of graphic t-shirts that feature inspirational messaging to help raise awareness around anti-bullying. Starting today, September 29th, the t-shirts will be sold in all Hollister locations globally, and online at www.HollisterCo.com.  All sales from the All Equal collection tees will be donated to charitable organizations that support the health and wellness of kids and teens, with the first $100,000 of sales benefitting No Bully, a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization that leverages student empathy to stop bullying and cyberbullying.  In addition, the company will launch a donate campaign in all US Hollister stores, allowing customers to donate any amount* or round up their purchase at the register.

Another component of the initiative is a college scholarship program that honors outstanding students around the world who have persevered academically while experiencing bullying, as well as those who have led the fight against bullying in their schools and communities. Through a partnership with the National Society of High School Scholars (NSHSS) Foundation, the company will award 10 renewable scholarships in the amount of $2,500 to students starting college in the 2017 school year. Interested applicants can find out more information at

www.nshssfoundation.org.

“As we continue to focus on the teen consumer, we know that bullying and cyberbullying have become an epidemic. The profound and lasting impact bullying can have on that demographic can be catastrophic and our hope is that with our program, we can continue to raise awareness and provide students with the tools and resources they need to stand up against bullying,” said Fran Horowitz, President & Chief Merchandising Officer for Abercrombie & Fitch Co. “We are excited to have Brent Rivera join the movement and we know his engaging content will resonate well with our customers. As we enter our fourth year in support of National Bullying Prevention month, we are as passionate as ever about reaching as many students as possible.”

Follow @HollisterCo to stay up to date on campaign details and exciting announcements featuring Brent Rivera throughout October, National Bullying Prevention Month.

*up to $999.99

About Abercrombie & Fitch Co.

Abercrombie & Fitch Co. is a leading global specialty retailer of high-quality, casual apparel for Men, Women and kids with an active, youthful lifestyle under its Abercrombie & Fitch, abercrombie kids and Hollister Co. brands. At the end of the second quarter, the company operated 744 stores in the United States and 182 stores across Canada, Europe, Asia and the Middle East. The company also operates e-commerce websites at www.abercrombie.com, www.abercrombiekids.com and www.hollisterco.com.

About Brent Rivera

Brent Rivera, a social media personality, has amassed over 23,000,000 supporters over various platforms as a result of his relatable and engaging content. At 18 years old, Brent has experienced and overcome bullying and wants to help bring awareness to the important issue. Through past philanthropic efforts, he raised over $150,000 for anti-bullying campaigns and for education in third world countries. For International Peace Day in 2015, he was appointed Youth Ambassador by the United Nations and teamed up with Justin Bieber and Ellen DeGeneres, reaching over 300 million people. Brent has been a supporter of All Equal in previous years and is excited for the opportunity to impact students around the world.

Media Contact:
Michael Scheiner
Abercrombie & Fitch
(614) 283-6192
Public_Relations@abercrombie.com

Investor Contact:
Brian Logan
Abercrombie & Fitch
(614) 283-6877
Investor_Relations@abercrombie.com

Dealing with Mean Girl Bullying

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TRANSCRIPT:

Mean girl bullying, relational bullying, is really common. You are probably going to have children, most of our children, deal with this at some point. You have to, kind of, deal with it directly if you can. If your daughter is in a situation where she is targeted by a mean girl, you want them to try, as best they can, to go up to that girl directly and say, “Did I do anything to upset you?” Ask the question, “Is there some reason you are angry at me?” Girls don’t like to talk about competition or jealousy or power, they just play it out indirectly. They will tell all their friends the issue, but they won’t talk directly to one another.

Encouraging girls to be direct with one another is a first, great step. The second thing you want to do is, encourage your daughter if they feel upset, shut it off, walk away, and not make a big deal about it. After they have asked that question, “Did I do anything to upset you?” Because you don’t want to enter the drama.

The drama, if you get upset, emotional or cry, will start telling everyone about it. Then it becomes a girl war. The best thing to do is let it be, walk away. You as a parent can think about it now, before they get to that age. Try to create friendship groups for them, multiple ones. If one group turns against them, they have another group to protect them. That’s a key thing for parenting.

Dr. Haber is available for speaking engagements and consultations to help your combat your school or workplace bullying issues.

Contact Dr. Haber

Dr. Joel Haber

Tips for Handling Cyberbullying

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If your child is faces with cyberbullying whether it be through the use of cell phone, computer or other kind of technology the important thing is not to respond. If you respond you’re getting into the back and forth and you’re showing the person who’s doing the bullying that you’re in it.

It’s a game, you’re not going to win that game. So you want to make sure that you don’t react, you print off or save whatever those messages are – you can bring them to an adult later and you want to tell your kids to do that. Part of what having technology means is that if there’s anything mean that comes to them they show you and you let them know never to respond because if you respond that will keep it going.

So we want kids to stop it which is easy for them to do even if they want to respond because their emotions are going to kick in but responding only makes the situation worse.

As a parent if you then have that information, you want to send it to an internet provider potentially, send it into the mobile phone company, bring it to a school so they know what’s happening and they can then follow with the steps they need to, to take care of that situation.

Dr. Haber is available for speaking engagements and consultations to help your combat your school or workplace bullying issues.

Contact Dr. Haber

 

Dr. Joel Haber

How do Bystanders Contribute to Bullying?

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For more information on elementary education v

Bystanders play a huge role in the bullying dynamic, remember there’s a bullying child, there’s the target of bullying and then there’s the rest of the kids who watch.

Bystanders are so important because they see more bullying than any adults do. Kids who do bully, are not going to do bullying in front of teachers or in front of aids because they’re going to get caught. But they will do it in front of their peers because they’re looking from comradery for bullying behavior.

So bystanders have the biggest power group since 10% of kids do bullying behavior and 10% are targets, 80% have a big power group. The problem is that bystanders watch bullying and even if they know what to do, lots of times they wait for everyone else to step up.

Most bystanders are afraid to step up and do what’s right, but they are the solution if we can make it safe for them to report.

Dr. Haber is available for speaking engagements and consultations to help your combat your school or workplace bullying issues.

Contact Dr. Haber

Advice for when your child is the bully

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For more information on parenting visit KidsInTheHouse.com


TRANSCRIPT:

Advice for when your child is the bully

So if my child is a bully – that’s a really hard thing for parents to hear, unless at times parents cannot believe that their child may be doing bullying behavior. But I think it’s important even if you get that information to sit down and become, and not get angry about it because that will turn your child off from talking to you about it and they may not want to tell you the truth. But if you say calmly that I got this report, I’ve heard about this. Let’s talk about what happened from their point of view and you let them know that you will listen actively and carefully without getting angry. They’ll probably tell you what the story is.

Now it may be that kids are trying to move up the social ladder, they may tell you what happened or they may blame it on someone else. But as a parent it’s really important that you let them know that that behavior is unacceptable. That anytime they’re mean or hurtful to someone else, we don’t do that in our family and it’s setting a family value. And the thing you want to do as a parent is show them that whenever they do anything outside of that aggressive behavior like being inclusive or sharing or being positive and nice to someone in the family or their friends. You monitor them closely and when you see them doing something nice, you say thumbs up. You show them that that’s the behavior that you want to see from them.

So you’re letting them know that the aggressive behavior is unacceptable but you’re rewarding the positive behavior that moves more toward social inclusion and lets your kid know that that’s what you value.

Dr. Haber is available for speaking engagements and consultations to help your combat your school or workplace bullying issues.

Contact Dr. Haber

Advice On Teaching Your Child How To Deal With Bullies

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Advice on teaching your child how to deal with bullies

Teaching your children how to deal with bullying can be a complicated issue. You want them to be assertive in how they handle a bully, but you don’t want them to get aggressive and retaliate against when dealing with a bully.

TRANSCRIPT:

Physical bullying may happen to kids at any point in time but if your child gets physically bullied they have to let the kid know who’s doing it to stop. Use a strong voice and let them know that they crossed the line. You don’t want your kid to be overly dramatic unless they really are hurt and if so, give them this message.

If they’re so hurt that they need to go to the nurse, let a kid know that they really hurt you, if not just tell them to stop. That way your kid doesn’t look dramatic which will make a kid want to pick on them again but they show a child that is hurting them that it is unacceptable behavior.

And at that point in time if it happens again they can always tell an adult if it happens in school that they’ve tried to warn the kid and let them know when they’ve crossed the line so an adult can step in and realize that this isn’t the first time and they have to take care of their bullying kid.

Dr. Joel Haber

Bullying Speaker, Expert & Counselor
297 Knollwood Rd.
White Plains, NY 10607

Phone:
(914) 428-0004