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Dr. Joel Haber

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Teach Your Kids How To Deal With Gossip Mongers

September 24, 2020 By Dr. Joel Haber

how to deal with gossip mongersCopyright: Ulkas/123RF Stock Photo

Teaching your kids how to deal with gossipmongers can be challenging.

Kids want so badly to set the record straight and defend themselves against the gossipmonger allegations. But mostly, protesting backfires and keeps the gossip alive.

So there’s a very simple way for your child to react, consistently, when someone brings a rumor to her attention.

Here it is: GOSSIP HOUND: I heard you kissed that geek, Martin.

YOUR CHILD: Do you believe that I did that?

At this point, the gossipmonger may say no. In that case, your child can answer, “Good. Then it doesn’t matter.” If the child says yes, or “I don’t know,” your child can say, “You can believe whatever you want. I don’t care.” Either way, that’s as far as it should go. There should be no emotional protests to satisfy whoever started the rumor.

Think about how powerful your child will feel when she can come back with something that may stop the negative comments.

Dealing with the silent treatment can be even more hurtful.

A child who is shunned by her usual group—they stop talking to her, stop making eye contact, roll their eyes and whisper as she walks past, don’t allow her to sit with them at lunch, etc.—can easily fall prey to depression. In some cases, the friendships will be repaired, but if it happens more than once, it’s probably not the best group for your child to depend on for social validation.

Now, you may be thinking that these girls are everything to your daughter and that it is unrealistic for her to change this group. Well, is this your thinking or your daughter’s thinking?

Some children need to understand the value of friendship, openness to others, and diversity. Encourage your child to make friends in other groups, to approach people who aren’t all part of the same clique.

It’s risky for a child to have friends from only one particular group—if all her friends are on the volleyball team, or they’re all in chorus, or it’s the same four or five girls hanging out every weekend, that’s worrisome.

There’s too much riding on those friendships; if the most powerful girl in the group decides that your daughter is no longer “cool” or has done something she doesn’t approve of, your daughter may feel completely adrift. The sooner your children understand that having friends in other places actually makes them feel stronger, you prevent the “all or nothing” response when something goes wrong in their social group. Instead of spending her time trying to win her way back into her old group, or obsessing about those girls, encourage her to join a new after-school activity and talk to kids in other social circles.

Or if they are dissing her one day, get her to react by role-playing the “I really don’t care” attitude, which will bring the other kids back because they won’t understand why your child doesn’t care.

 

 

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Dr. Joel Haber

Contact Dr. Haber to have him speak at your next function. Dr. Haber has over twenty years of experience as a clinical psychologist and internationally renowned bullying prevention expert. He has served as corporate bullying consultant to major consumer retailers and international technology companies and leads workshops and conferences for thousands of executives, senior staff, and educators each year. Dr. Haber is a prolific anti-bullying speaker and author of the internationally acclaimed, Bullyproof Your Child for Life: Protect Your Child from Teasing, Taunting and Bullying for Good, published by Perigee/Penguin, and he is also co-author of the new book The Resilience Formula.

Filed Under: Bullying Tips

BULLYPROOF YOUR CHILD FOR LIFE

GET YOUR COPY TODAY AND BEGIN TO LEARN HOW TO BULLYPROOF YOUR CHILD FOR LIFE

"Bully Coach" Joel Haber, Ph.D., is one of the foremost experts in the prevention of bullying. A pioneer in the field, he has worked with thousands of kids, parents, teachers, counselors, and others to understand the root causes of the bullying dynamic-from identifying bully types to exposing the reasons why kids become bullies, targets, or bystanders-and stamp it out once and for all.

Delivering a practical, supportive, and step-by-step "bullyproofing prescription" that yields lasting results for both boys and girls, from grade school through high school, Bullyproof Your Child for Life offers specific action steps to help any child build resilience and confidence, develop compassion and trust, and thrive in school, camp, sports, and beyond.

Empowering, instructive, and inspiring, this much needed guide will help parents detect the early signs of bullying and intervene-with lasting results.

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Dr. Joel Haber

Bullying Speaker, Expert & Counselor
297 Knollwood Rd.
White Plains, NY 10607

Phone:
(914) 428-0004
Email:
joel@respectu.com

BULLYPROOF YOUR CHILD FOR LIFE

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