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Cyberbullying

The old "sticks and stones may break my bones" nursery rhyme has a PG rating compared to the new ways in which cyberbullying can hurt and humiliate its targets.

Here is a recent headline:

• UCLA study suggests most kids suffer from cyber-bullying: 72 percent of 12-to-17-year-olds reported "at least one incident" of bullying online, which can take the form of name-calling or insults, "most typically" through instant messaging or social networking sites. Here’s what they found:
• Cyberbullying is a common experience, especially among heavy users of the Internet.
• Cyberbullying and bullying done in school are more alike than different.
• Bullying on the Internet is very similar to the kind of bullying kids do face-to-face in schools.
• Cyberbullying involves name-calling or insults, password theft, threats, sending embarrassing or sexual pictures, sharing private information without permission and spreading nasty gossip and rumors.
• Parents may react by trying to protect their children by not letting them use the Internet at all. That is not likely to help parent-teen relationships or the social lives of their children who rely on the internet for much of their connectedness.
• Schools need to enforce intolerance of any intimidation among students, regardless of whether it takes place on or beyond the school grounds
• One-third of 12-to-14-year-olds reported that they didn't tell an adult out of fear that they could get into trouble with their parents.
• -Many parents have little understanding of the language or use of their children's Internet use.

CYBERBULLYING: What is it?

Cyberbullying or internet bullying is a form of bullying which involves the use of email, cell phone and pager text messages, instant messaging, camera phones, and/or defamatory blogs to support repeated hostile behavior by an individual or group towards others with the intent to harm.

Kids can send each other hurtful and nasty messages, spread rumors or compromising sexual pictures online, hijack others personal information and post it for all to see, and impersonate their target and send horrible, mean messages to others who believe their friend is the cyberbully.

THE NEW REALITY:

The Internet allows kids far too much temptation and opportunity to be mean. In school or camp bullying, you are right in front of the person you bully, and you see how you hurt them. This is called Direct Bullying.

On the internet, you're not seeing the reaction of the person you're hurting. You can do it from a distance, from your own home or with a friend, or from your cell phone. Without seeing them in person, you’re not really thinking about how you’ll make the kid you’re targeting feel. Instead, you may be having fun thinking about itbut the cues which may get your empathy to kick in are not there because you never see the immediate reaction of the target. Internet bullying is indirect! Without seeing those social cues from the person you target, indirect bullying is much easier.

However, once you send your email or text, or a picture meant to embarrass or humiliate, you can’t get it back. There is now a public record of your hurtful behavior and possible intimidation or harassment.

WHAT CAN PARENTS DO?

The most important thing for parents is to prevent cyberbullying from occurring. I am providing a link to an article I wrote that appeared in two parts on the website: www.theonlinemom.com to help you become more aware and deal with cyberbullying.

Cyberbullying: Be a Parent Who Stays on Top of the Game

HOW CAN I HELP YOU?

Coaching Services for Parents and Children

I am available for individual coaching of families and children when internet bullying occurs. The best coaching is provided to prevent these issues and handle the important questions that come up at home: Do we let our child keep their computer private? At what age do we give our children cell phones? Do we need to trust our children or put software on their system? These are just a few examples of what you’ll need to address as our children communicate more and more on the internet. Please contact me if I can be of help to you.

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